apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
