I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
