dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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