With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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