ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
