How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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