R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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