i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
