Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just want to make out with him forever
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
