the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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