I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
