I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
