FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Randomize
