You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
