The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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