I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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