what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
This is my gift to your gina
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
