we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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