apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
