I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
