chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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