I'd wear matching sweaters with you
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
