I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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