By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
