Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
