cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
