kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
