So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
