1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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