drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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