I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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