I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
