Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
