i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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