Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
