That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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