i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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