I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Someone shattered a urinal.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
