I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
