Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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