I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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