is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
