You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
