You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
