she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
