When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
