Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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