____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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