I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
