I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
