Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
