I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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