isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
